my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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