Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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