Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
