you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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