officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize