Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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