T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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