i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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