new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
