speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
