dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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