first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
