ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
