If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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