She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
