and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
