I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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