your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
