So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's shark week go big or go home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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