I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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