I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize