take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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