from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
