I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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