My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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