Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
