Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
