Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
