So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
