My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
