operation have a gay friend backfired
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
