So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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