I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
