Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
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Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize