Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize