nut hugger
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
