I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
