at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
