That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
