meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
