I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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