dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
