the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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