i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
