I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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