What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
