Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
