Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
