if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will be naked everywhere
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
