We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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