she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
