If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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