very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize