So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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