I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
