this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
