just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
