i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
