Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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